What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 06:32
Comes on , in middle age.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Have you made a female relative or friend squirt?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But, we were locked up after school.
I will be 64.
How do I maintain and care for granite countertops in a coastal climate like Pompano Beach?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was scared of men, in general
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She found it foreign!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why do old men think young women and girls would want them over guys their own age?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I have no regrets .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
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At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Put me off passion for life!!
I waited trembling.
Why do so many guys love anime girls?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I write beautiful poetry .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He knew the spot.
My life is so biszare .
I never cut or harmed myself..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
How do I find a luxury service apartment in Gurgaon?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
(And it was in our own minds.)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
How can I fall asleep fast at night?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
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He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
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I was very sick at this time too.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
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Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She loved him until the end.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She was in good health!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I think the readers, may guess!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One cannot live in the past .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Would this be the day?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I could never make a relationship work though!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
What did i know ?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
So, i spoilt her more .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I said to her
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
So whats the point in blame.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She wouldn,t have been !
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My family never makes their pension either.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Especially a lifetime of it.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was 9 years of age.
I don,t even have a pension.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We all went to grammer schools
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Who then, do I blame.?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And i lived it daily.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was seconnd youngest,
They are buried together, in the same grave..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
All the time i was locked up.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
This is soul school!.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But it wasn’t much.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
When she asked me how she looked .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
It was going to be , some day.
We were not on the streets..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She married twice! .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im still living with it.
Ive learnt so much.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He resisted the act ,that day.